Lately, I’ve been thinking about not only money and the stuff it can buy, but the culture of those in certain income brackets.
I haven’t shared this much as a professional, but I have been on a 4 year fertility journey that has been filled with medications, surgeries, and a failed IVF (in vitro fertilization) cycle.The most recent stop on the journey is embryo adoption. Assisted reproductive technologies (or ART) like IVF create many fertilized eggs that grow into embryos that do not get used. Once a family is complete, these extra embryos can be donated to other couples. This journey has been a long rollercoaster of emotions. Realizing that your family may look different than what you had in mind is challenging, but also a little fun. As a black woman, I can say that infertility isn’t discussed much in the black community. You are either a parent or you’re not.
Having these hard conversations has made me more grateful that I can have these hard conversations. I’m not sure that my parents could have and I know for a fact my grandparents would not have been able to. Deciding to adopt embryos means that my children would share none of my genetic material. However, unlike adopting a live child, adopting an embryo means that I would carry the child. So you give birth to your adopted children which sounds so cool!
As science-fiction-y as this all sounds, I know it wouldn’t be possible if my income was lower. ART generally isn't covered by insurance so my husband and I have been paying out of pocket. This journey also influenced my career change from academia to instructional design. It paid better. And my university was not going to cover any treatments. I have applied for jobs just for the fertility benefits.
Another challenge with adopting embryos is finding African American embryos. After all, I would want my children to be the same race as I am. At least give me that. Black people in this country have not had the opportunity to build generational wealth at the same rate as others so there’s not a lot of money to go around. How many black couples get to even talk about ART and third party reproductive options let alone actually have procedures? Not too many. How many extra embryos are there? Not many.
Not only do you need money to go through fertility treatments, but you have to know they are available in the first place. Income brackets not only give you money and disposable income to save, but also access to doctors and specialists, access to people who have gone through them before, access to experts who can give you information, and knowledge of what questions to ask. As well, if you are in a higher income bracket, you probably have a high-paying, stable job with benefits like insurance and time off to go to appointment after appointment. A generation ago, ART would have been too cost prohibitive for me. The price point has come down a bit, but it is still out of reach for many.
I mentioned this to some fellow fertility warriors and one resoundingly told me “you need to be a super advocate.” I’m not sure what form this advocacy will take. Any and all ideas are welcome.
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